On Suffering
My husband and I went to an ultrasound at the doctor's office last Thursday. It was there that we found out that I was already in the beginning stages of a miscarriage. Apparently our baby never made the transition from fertilized egg to embryo. They call this a "blighted ovum", and we found out that it is possibly caused by a chromosomal abnormality. The first actual pain I felt due to the miscarriage began on Friday afternoon, and now I have completely miscarried (I believe - I don't suppose I could be 100% sure on that), and am beginning to recover.
Thursday night and Friday morning I was scared. I was certainly grieving for our loss of life, but I was also fearful that there would be complications (which is still possible, given the circumstances). Fear, fear, fear. That was what I was feeling. Then Friday morning, a little after 9:30, I felt a warm feeling just in my stomach area. I knew what it was. People were praying for me. From that point on, the Lord took my fear, and replaced it with peace. He was faithful to me, and held me up over the entire weekend.
It is interesting how different people have different reactions to suffering like this. Perhaps I will have a nervous breakdown in the future that I don't anticipate (doubt it), but right now I feel a deep peace that wouldn't be there except for Jesus.
It seems that when most people experience suffering, the question they ask is "Why?". For some reason, this has not been my experience. Maybe I should be asking why I don't wonder why, because I don't know. Got any ideas?
For me, the bottom line is that suffering IS. It exists, and it exists because of sin. If we were doing life on our own, we would constantly be nervous wrecks - fear filling us from head to toe. The strength and peace I'm feeling through this difficult time is not my own.
He's been faithful. :-)
Thursday night and Friday morning I was scared. I was certainly grieving for our loss of life, but I was also fearful that there would be complications (which is still possible, given the circumstances). Fear, fear, fear. That was what I was feeling. Then Friday morning, a little after 9:30, I felt a warm feeling just in my stomach area. I knew what it was. People were praying for me. From that point on, the Lord took my fear, and replaced it with peace. He was faithful to me, and held me up over the entire weekend.
It is interesting how different people have different reactions to suffering like this. Perhaps I will have a nervous breakdown in the future that I don't anticipate (doubt it), but right now I feel a deep peace that wouldn't be there except for Jesus.
It seems that when most people experience suffering, the question they ask is "Why?". For some reason, this has not been my experience. Maybe I should be asking why I don't wonder why, because I don't know. Got any ideas?
For me, the bottom line is that suffering IS. It exists, and it exists because of sin. If we were doing life on our own, we would constantly be nervous wrecks - fear filling us from head to toe. The strength and peace I'm feeling through this difficult time is not my own.
He's been faithful. :-)
2 Comments:
Somehow I knew this would be your reaction and no, you will probably not have a nervous breakdown in the future. Just as suffering IS, so HE IS and you know that with all your heart and soul.
Love you!
So sorry to hear this. I will pray you continue to rest in His peace.
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